Saturday, June 22, 2013

Bob Thiel: Birthdays Are Satan's Third Most Important Worship Day

Bob Thiel still is struggling to find everything in life one pagan festival after another.  Thiel is hyperventilating over the connection he sees with birthdays  and Anton Lavey's Satanic Bible.  Because Lavey mentions birthdays Thiel assumes that the rest of humanity is sitting there worshiping Satan as they light the birthday candles.

Back in 1969 Anton Lavey wrote The Satanic Bible. On page 96 (in the 1976 version) it mentions birthdays:
THE highest of all holidays in the Satanic religion is the date of one’s own birth. This is in direct contradiction to the holy of holy days of other religions, which deify a particular god who has been created in an anthropomorphic form of their own image, thereby showing that the ego is not really buried.

The Satanist feels: “Why not really be honest and if you are going to create a god in your image, why not create that god as yourself.” Every man is a god if he chooses to recognize himself as one. So, the Satanist celebrates his own birthday as the most important holiday of the year. After all, aren’t you happier about the fact that you were born than you are about the birth of someone you have never even met? Or for that matter, aside from religious holidays, why pay higher tribute to the birthday of a president or to a date in history than we do to the day we were brought into this greatest of all worlds?
After one’s own birthday, the two major Satanic holidays are Walpurgisnacht and Halloween (or All Hallows’ Eve). (Lavey A, Gilmore P. The Satanic Bible. Avon, September 1, 1976, p. 96–note it is on page 53 of an online version I found also).

Bob then has to drag his perception of what he thinks the Bible says about it:

The Bible never encourages the celebration of birthdays. Instead, it tends to speak in a negative manner concerning them (cf. Matthew 14:6-11; Jeremiah 20:14-18).
Of course, early Christians did not celebrate birthdays nor did the early Jews. Nor have real Christians ever celebrated Halloween. As far as the Jews, notice what the first century Jewish historian Josephus noted that Jewish families did not celebrate birthdays:
Nay, indeed, the law does not permit us to make festivals at the birth of our children, and thereby afford occasion of drinking to excess (Josephus. Translated by W. Whiston. Against Apion, Book II, Chapter 26. Extracted from Josephus Complete Works, Kregel Publications, Grand Rapids (MI), 14th printing, 1977, p. 632).
Then Bob has to admit that there is NO prohibition in the Bible against birthdays.  In spite of that, he dances around and says that birthdays should not be observed.  Just because he can find no reference to an early Christian observing one, does not mean that they didn't.  There are a lot of things the Bible does not record about the early Christians.  Just because it is not there does not mean they never did it.  The Bible is NOT a history book, when will Bob ever realize that?

Journalist Covering Dave Pack's Grand Opening Fails To Report The Facts In Akron Beacon Journal

In yesterday's missive from Dave Pack he waxed eloquent about his new building and the things he plans on doing with the campus.  His posting was in actuality one big press release.  That press release was bought hook, line and sinker by Colette Jenkins with the Akron Beacon Journal.  It was like reading Dave Pack's bullshit all over again.

She quotes this from Davey about his coming "explosion."  Is it me or is much of Dave's hyperbole almost borderline sexual?  Dave's "expanding" church is ready to "explode."  I get the feeling as Dave writes this stuff his eyes are glazing over as get the picture.

The 4,000-square-foot media center will include three studios, where many of the Church’s video and audio productions and The World to Come with David C. Pack program will be filmed and edited. The program, which is designed to explain Bible prophecy by analyzing current world events, is broadcast locally at 6:30 a.m. Sundays on ION Television (WVPX) and at 3:30 a.m. Thursdays on The Word Network.

“These next buildings allow us to expand, in fact explode, in size in taking the gospel of the soon coming kingdom of God to a world in desperate need of this good news,” said Pack, who does not use the title reverend. “We hope in the fall to announce construction dates for the beautiful Ambassador Center, a training facility for our ministers and leaders, and also the crown jewel centerpiece — the magnificent Imperial Auditorium.”
In her original report early this morning, she said the church meets on Sunday.  Davey obviously corrected this heresy.  This edition has the correct day but still shows how secretive Davey is:

The multipurpose room is also being used for Saturday worship services, which are by invitation only and typically scheduled during the afternoon. Plans are for worship services to move to a three-story building with a 450-seat auditorium, once it is constructed. 

Did you also notice how many seats Davey's new Imperial Auditorium will seat......450.  These copycat mini-me church leaders like Flurry and Pack have to settle for second and third best.  The Ambassador seated 1,262 people.  Six Pack Flurry's auditorium seats 850 and poor Davey's will only seat 450!  For the worlds biggest and best Church of God ever this certainly is a HUMILIATING circumstance to be in!  Third best. Imagine that.  THIRD BEST!

  Perhaps we should start calling Davey - Third Place Dave.

Jenkins writes three paragraphs about Davey's connection with WCG.  She fails to mention Dave was terminated by the WCG years ago and that he did NOT train at the feet of Herbert Armstrong.  HWA had little contact with the guy during the time he was around Pasadena.  Also notice that RCG LIES about how much their members give.  They claim only 12.5 percent.  First tithe, second tithe, third tithe, tithe of the tithe, special offerings, building fund.....etc, etc, etc. does not come out to 12.5%.

The Restored Church of God is rooted in the tradition of the Worldwide Church of God, founded in 1934 by Herbert Armstrong as a religious broadcasting radio ministry (Radio Church of God). The broadcast evangelist is often referred to as "God's End-Times Apostle," who prepared his followers for a utopia to be ruled by Jesus.

Although Armstrong’s ministry has been criticized by some cult-watching organizations, followers report that when Armstrong died in 1986, his church was attracting 120,000 people to weekly services, with an annual income of about $200 million. Circulation of its the Plain Truth magazine was more than 8 million, and The World Tomorrow attracted one of the largest religious television audiences in America.

Published reports indicated that Worldwide Church of God members paid as much as 20 to 30 percent in tithes. Leaders of the Restored Church of God dispute that, saying members have always paid an average of 12.5 percent of their annual income.

You can read the reporters slobber fest over Dave Pack here:  Restored Church of God's new world headquarters is open in Wadsworth

Instead of reporting the truth about the abusive behavior of Dave, the lies he tells and the lives he has ruined, the reporter whitewashes Dave and his cult.

Apostle Malm Declares: Coffee Pots and Kettles OK To Use On My Sabbath

Which one is more appropriate for Sabbath Coffee?

The Chief Pharisee has spoken!  So let it be said, so let it be done!
When we are commanded not to bake or boil on the Sabbath, does that mean we should not be using our kettles or coffee makers?

To bake or seethe [simmer] refers to the preparation and cooking of food over a period of time; not to simply warming some water. It is a matter of giving the homemaker a day off, and the Sabbath should not become a burden. Heating water in a coffeemaker requires no supervision and no work, just the flicking of a switch. James

Dennis On: An Admission:Reincarnation is True: The Apostle David and the Apostle Paul Are One And The Same

An Admission:Reincarnation is True

The Apostle David and the Apostle Paul Are One And The Same

Dennis Diehl - EzineArticles Expert AuthorI would like to believe that reincarnation is a possibility in life.  The Bible seems to indicate that some mistook John the Baptist for Elijah of old or even Jesus as a reincarnated John.  Jesus was the new Adam and even now today we have the Apostle David Pack as the reincarnated Joshua.  Of course, HWA was the reincarnated version of Zerrubb...Zurub....oh you know who.

 But I have to admit, and this pains me,  the Apostle David Joshua Pack and the Apostle Paul are one and the same.  This comparison is without refute.  I suspect the Apostle Paul, who by his own account was a lousy speaker, somewhat unpleasant to look at, unwanted by any women which is the real reason he was so able to avoid the burden of marriage to one and a weak bodied presence, seems to have gotten a second chance and was allowed to return as the Apostle David Joshua Pack for such a time as this.

Here is the inescapable proof from scripture itself. Not only that, but I am going to go boldly where few COG ministers go....the New Testament.

Paul's apostleship was unrecognized by others nor is Dave's.

"Of the 22 times in the Bible where Paul is referred to as an "apostle", only twice is he referred to as an apostle by someone other than himself! These two instances came from the same person. Not from Yahshua, or any of the original apostles, but from Paul's close traveling companion and personal press secretary Luke. Both accounts are found in Luke's record of the Acts of the Apostles, (chapter 14:4,14). Here Paul is referred to as an apostle along with Barnabas. By this time in the story, Luke would have been very accustomed to Paul calling himself an apostle, and he would no doubt have been in agreement with Paul's assessment of himself. By these statistics alone, it is evident that Paul is by far his own biggest fan... and his side kick Luke was his number two fan. This  leaves no one else anywhere in the Bible going on record recognizing his apostleship!" 
"Other than the twelve apostles who spent three and a half years with Yahshua, no one other than Paul can be identified as having claimed for themselves the title of "apostle".  Barnabas was referred to as an apostle along with Paul by Luke in Acts 14:14, but there is no record of Barnabas claiming the title for himself."

(thanks to the above site for the insights)

And so it is with the Apostle David Joshua Pack.  I can find NO ONE ELSE on the planet, save for those in RCG who have ever called DJP an Apostle.  Truly, truly proof of this reincarnation.

"I wanna talk about me!  Dave also wants to talk about him!  Awesome coincidence!

"No other epistle author in the Bible wrote like Paul. This would be true on a number of levels, but one aspect is of particular interest when we are considering how Paul views himself. He had a way of drawing attention to himself with his usage of personal pronouns. When it comes to how often he uses words like, "I", "me", "my", or "mine", the overall rate in his epistles is almost three times that of his next closest rival. There are a number of reasons why many scholars today believe Paul was not the author of the book of Hebrews. One obvious reason is, in the other epistles credited to him, Paul doesn't hesitate to identify himself along with his supposed credentials. The author of Hebrews is strangely silent on these matters. Many scholars believe Barnabas was the author of Hebrews, but I think Apollos is a far better candidate... but that's a different subject. The point is, no one knows for sure.  But Paul certainly couldn't be in the running as the author of Hebrews when one also considers the statistical rate of the personal pronoun usage. The author of Hebrews refers to himself only 9 times, which is approximately 1.3 personal pronouns per thousand words. To help put this in perspective, let's compare the book of Hebrews to the book of Romans. They are both relatively large books of similar length, divided into 13 and 16 chapters respectively. Yet in only the first half of the first chapter of Romans, which is 16 verses worth, Paul uses twice as many personal pronouns as the author of Hebrews uses in his entire book! In the book of Romans, Paul refers to himself 103 times, which is rate of about 18.2 per thousand! That is 13x greater than Hebrews. In 1 Corinthians, Paul refers to himself 175 times, in 2Corinthians 103 times again, and in the relatively short book of Galatians, he refers to himself 69 times which is a rate of 25 personal pronouns per 1000 words!

It should be evident that Paul is at least as concerned with making a statement about himself as he is in communicating what he believes to be the truth about God."

Pretty awesome huh?  It's the same with the Apostle Dave.  How much proof does one need!  I don't think I have ever quite been able to explain this ever before as I do today. Well, maybe once in 1997 at 3:30 in NY in a sermon, but really..nothing like this....I recall thinking how awesome this is when I read the obituary of Shirley Pack (who was a very nice person by the way,) and the Apostle Pack had his own picture on the Obituary.  Awesome.  Just like the Apostle Paul..well if he had a wife.  

The Apostle Paul was the only source of true truth and got to write the final way it all is in Christ.  Paul Polarized and Dave Plagiarized maybe?  No one quite understood it all like Paul as so it is with Dave.  All of Asia forsook Paul and rather than wonder why, he just turned them over to God for forgiveness.  Not unlike today...The Apostle David has been often rejected and persecuted by WCG but he forgives them and has asked God not to charge that to their wait.  He just hates them for it. Ok, not just like Paul in everything. 

"When we take a survey of the New Testament, we notice that Paul is the single greatest contributor to it. When we read the book of Acts, we can't help but get the impression that the great bulk of what God was doing in the early church was happening through Paul. But it is misleading, because the book of Acts was written from only one man's perspective... Luke's. Luke traveled with Paul on his missionary journeys and the bulk of the book of Acts is the account of those travels. What we have in Acts is only one man's point of view, and from Luke's perspective, Paul's story would no doubt have appeared to be front and center stage. There is a likely reason why Luke chose to follow Paul and record his story in the first place. Paul branded himself the apostle to the Gentiles, and Luke, being a Gentile, would have seen Paul as where things were happening for him. When we consider Paul taught that there is no difference in God’s eyes between Jew and Gentile, but all believers in Yahshua now constitute "the true Israel of God", what Gentile who desired to get close to the God of Israel wouldn’t be absolutely thrilled with Paul? But even though the view from the book of Acts is polarized and biased, it is still very important in helping us understand what was happening at that time. Without it we wouldn't have much of an idea at all. What was done and said as recorded by Luke is priceless, and we have no good reason to question what he saw and heard. Luke's own personal thoughts that he interjected occasionally may be questioned, but they are few and far between. I see no good reason to accuse Luke of malicious intent. The important thing to remember is that the book of Acts was written from a very singular point of view. 

No doubt, God was doing other things at that same time. We don't have a detailed record of it, but we do have some clues. God was certainly working through the original apostles, and some of those things are recorded in the beginning of Acts. The apostle John was hard at work for his Lord, but we hear very little from him until we get to his epistles and the book of the Revelation at the end of the New Testament. "

Reincarnation is AWESOME!

   Paul's and Dave's claims of apostleship   And YES brethren...I AM an Apostle!

"Paul was not at all shy about calling himself an apostle. In fact, in nine out of thirteen of his books, he introduces himself as an apostle of Yahshua, and in each case states in some way that his apostleship is by heavenly decree.

Here is the question. Should we automatically believe the testimony of a person who makes grandiose claims about themselves when all we have for confirmation of their claim is little more than their word and maybe a statement or two from their best friend? If so, then we should likewise confirm those like Jim Jones and David Koresh. Unless there is obvious corroborative evidence to support such claims, all of them should be taken with a very large grain of salt. Unlike Paul, a true prophet or apostle does not have to go to such extraordinary lengths to convince the world they are who they say they are. Even Yahshua said that if he alone bore witness of himself, his witness was invalid. John 5:31 And of all the people who shouldn't need to have others testify on their behalf, Yahshua was that person. Yet he had Moses, the prophets, the Psalms, John the Baptist, the Fathers voice from heaven saying, "You are My beloved Son..." and hundreds of those who witnessed his resurrection. Paul had none of these. Though in his conceit, he considered himself to be God's special gift to the Gentiles, and claimed for himself a prophecy that was given exclusively to Isaiah in Isaiah 49:6.  

"For so the Lord has commanded us: 'I have set you to be a light to the Gentiles that you should be for salvation to the ends of the earth." Acts 13:47"

The cycle of Apostleship is simply amazing.  They never go away. They just keep returning until the planet gets it right!  You do almost make me a believer.

 Paul, the greatest apostle and so is David! 

Paul's view of himself as an apostle didn't stop at only claiming to be an apostle. He also did what he could to communicate to his followers that he topped them all. He even had the nerve to belittle the very apostles that Yahshua had called and trained for three and a half years to be his witnesses! Among this braggadocio's self-flattering quotes are the following.
"For I consider that I am not at all inferior to the most eminent apostles". ...."As the truth of Christ is in me, no one shall stop me from this boasting in the regions of Achaia."   2 Corinthians 11:5,10 

Sometimes, as though he knew he should be ashamed of challenging the stature of Yahshua's 12, he would preface his boast with a statement of unworthiness. No doubt he hoped people would embrace him as the greatest of apostles because he was so humble.
"For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all...". 1Corinthians 15:9,10 

Aside from the fact that it was a lie to suggest the ministry had been split up between Jews and Gentiles though he had exclusive rights to the Gentiles and the 12 were to stay with the Jews..., Paul even had the gall to condescend specifically on Peter, James, and John when he belittled them to the Galatians.

"But from those who seemed to be something - whatever they were, it makes no difference to me; God shows personal favoritism to no man- for those who seemed to be something added nothing to me. But on the contrary, when they saw that the gospel for the uncircumcised had been committed to me, as the gospel for the circumcised was to Peter (for He who worked effectively in Peter for the apostleship to the circumcised also worked effectively in me toward the Gentiles),  and when James, Cephas (Peter), and John, who seemed to be pillars, perceived the grace that had been given to me, they gave me and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship, that we should go to the Gentiles and they to the circumcised."  Galatians 2:6,7,9 

This is nothing but an arrogant lie. A couple verses later, Paul takes another cheap-shot at Peter. With Peter nowhere around to defend himself, Paul brags to the Galatians how he had determined Peter was a hypocrite, and how he had put him down before the entire church of Antioch.

"But when Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face, because he was to be blamed; for before certain men came from James, he would eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision. And the rest of the Jews played the hypocrite with him so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy. But when I saw that they were not straight forward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter before them all, "if you being a Jew, live in the manner of Gentiles and not as the Jews, why do you compel Gentiles to live as Jews?" Galatians 2:11-14

Earlier, in Galatians 1:8,9, Paul commanded his followers to consider "accursed" anyone who preaches a different gospel than his. There is little doubt that Paul wanted the Galatians to think this way toward Peter, if not James, and John as well. It is obvious to anyone reading the book of Galatians that Paul was demanding the Galatian church follow no one but him, not even the original apostles back in Jerusalem.

Aside from Paul's incredible arrogance, I also need to point out that Paul himself was the ultimate hypocrite for condemning Peter for accommodating Gentiles when he was around Gentiles and acting like a Jew around Jews. Here is what he claimed to do, and commanded the Corinthians to do as well.   

"For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win the more; and to the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might win Jews; to those who are under the law, as under the law, that I might win those who are under the law; to those who are without the law as without law... that I might win those who are without law; to the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some." 1Corinthians 9:19-22 

"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved. Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ."   1Corinthians 10:31-33
When Paul says, "Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ" we should do as he says... because in no way did he imitate Yahshua! Can anyone imagine Yahshua playing chameleon and saying anything like "I have become all things to all men" or  "I please all men in all things"? 

So here we have Paul, claiming to be greater than any other apostle, belittling Peter, James, and John by saying they only "seemed" to be pillars of the church, and that they "added nothing" to him. Then he brags about how he told off Peter... calling him a hypocrite, and he subtly curses the apostles by telling the Galatians to consider accursed anyone who differs with him. All this, while in fact, he was being the greatest hypocrite of all! The superstitious belief that Paul's words are infallible is so thick that people can't see the forest for all the trees that are in the way! If anyone else had even begun to do and say the things that Paul did, we would have recognized their incredible conceit and rejected them a long time ago. Here is something relevant that Solomon said.

"Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips."   Proverbs 27:2

What can I say more than this....? Can anyone condemn, pick on, make fun of or label the COGs better than Apostle David?  I think NOT!

Paul and the Ephesians vs Dave and the Buffalonians or Chicagonians or Rochesterians or....

Now, look at what was said to the church that we know Paul had been involved in... Ephesus. Among the things that Yahshua commended the Ephesian church for doing right, is this quote:

"I know your works, your labor, and your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars." Rev. 2:2 

Yes. I have no doubts Yahshua was referring to Paul and his companions, and that his claim of apostleship, as well as his doctrine, were false!  Hang in there and consider all the facts with me for a minute. Here are four of them... with the silver bullet coming shortly after.  

1.  Paul's doctrine on the foreknowledge of God is not only groundless (because he had to abuse Scripture to support it), it is blasphemous, because it outright accuses God of unrighteousness. (See previous chapters)

2.  We have record of Paul claiming to be an apostle to the Ephesians.  "Paul, an apostle of Yahshua by the will of God, To the saints who are in Ephesus,"  Ephesians 1:1 

3.  We have no record of anyone else claiming to be an apostle to anyone anywhere, not even to the Ephesians.

4.  Paul and his doctrine had troubles being accepted in Ephesus.

"And he went into the synagogue and spoke boldly for three months, reasoning and persuading concerning the things of the kingdom of God. But when some were hardened and did not believe, but spoke evil of the way before the multitude..."   Acts 19:8,9 

Remember, this is recorded from Luke’s point of view and he believed Paul's doctrine was "the Way".  Notice that those who rejected Paul are men of the synagogue and not atheists or pagans. If these men had stood up in front of the synagogue and said, "Paul's doctrine is flawed. He is a false apostle, and a liar", Luke would no doubt have seen this as "speaking evil of the Way".

If these four reasons are not enough to seriously call into question Paul's status as an apostle there is one more. It is a most interesting quote from Paul's own pen that finally seals the fate of his supposed apostleship. It comes from his second letter to Timothy, written during the same Neronian persecution in which John was given the Revelation. This letter is believed by many scholars to contain the last recorded words of Paul. Here he makes a short statement of lament that seems to have gone unnoticed... the implications of which are devastating to Paul if one is able to hear everything that is being said. Paul makes this statement to Timothy.

"This you know, that all those in Asia have turned away from me."   2Timothy 1:15
Asia!  All of them!  Rejecting Paul!  And when he says, "This you know", it sounds like this must have been relatively common knowledge at that time.  Asia!  The very place that Yahshua told John to write, where his seven churches were!  And they were alive, and obviously had been established for some time. Paul did not say that Asia had rejected Yahshua. Obviously they hadn't rejected Yahshua if there were thriving churches there that Yahshua wanted to address through John. Instead Paul said that all Asia had rejected him personally! This is also corroborated in the book of Acts where men from Asia accuse Paul of teaching against the Law, and bringing an Ephesian friend into the temple.  

And when the seven days were almost ended, the Jews from Asia, seeing him in the temple, stirred up the whole crowd and laid hands on him. crying out, "Men of Israel, help! This is the man who teaches all men everywhere against the people, the Law, and this place: and furthermore he also brought Greeks into the temple and has defiled this holy place." (For they had previously seen Trophimus the Ephesian with him in the city, whom they supposed that Paul had brought into the temple.)   Acts 21:27-29

Try to grasp the profound significance of all this. Here we have in the book of Revelation the words of Yahshua commending the Ephesian church for rejecting someone who claimed to be his apostle, while Paul is the only person other than the twelve original apostles to have claimed to be an apostle... and we know he has made this very claim to this same Ephesian church. At the same time, Paul laments himself of the fact that he has been rejected by them!  How could it NOT be Paul and his associates  that Yahshua had commended the Ephesian church for rejecting? Could it be much more obvious? Here are the facts, paraphrased, one more time.  

Paul to the Ephesians: "I am an apostle of Yahshua"
The Ephesians to Paul: "No you're not."
Yahshua to the Ephesians: "Well done!" 

Rejection Resistant - The Science Behind Success in Sales

I can't speak for you, but I''m convinced.  The Apostle Paul and the Apostle David are one and the same.  Brothers from other mothers maybe but yet the same.  Self appointed, ego centric, terrible team players, making shit up as they go, rejected by most, braggarts, telling their story differently than reality would have it and of course, chosen from the womb or in Apostle David's case, chosen by Haggai in the 6th century BC.  Bronze Age Apostle Dave I suppose. 

"Let the wise understand................."


contact Dennis at

Dennis Leap On How To Stop Your Child From Making Noises In Church - Gerald CANNOT Be Disturbed!

a PCG Stepford wife asks:

Thanks for these details! Was wondering: how do you teach a 4-6 month old not to make noise in services? You mentioned doing this before starting blanket training. It’s probably simple but I have found this quite a challenge.

  • As soon as your child begins to understand the word no well (around six months) is the perfect time to begin teaching them that it is not appropriate to scream or squeal, or make noises in certain situations. Blanket training is the time you should be teaching him/her this.
    During blanket training, when your child makes a noise tell them no and use the hand gesture of putting your index finger to you lips (meaning be quiet). If they do not stop making noise–discipline them and then start the process over again. Practice, practice, practice at home to prepare for services. Your child will learn during blanket training that when you lay out their blanket at services it means they should stay put and be quiet.
    Of course your child will make some kind of noise at some time during a service. If you have practiced enough during blanket training, when your child does make a noise, put your finger to your lips (meaning be quiet) with a stern look. That should be enough to stop them from making noise. If it does not, a trip to the mother’s room should happen immediately.

Dennis Leap "Blanket" and "Come Here" Training Is Required For Children of Church Members

Dennis Leap, the often mocked best boy to Gerald Flurry, is pulling a GTA at the moment concerning proper PCG children rearing.

The world is filled with nasty rebellious kids.  It is important that you PCGers train your kids up to be obedient robots in church.  Force your kids to lay on blankets at home so they can get used to laying on cold floors at church as they pick the gum of the bottom of chairs and eat it.

Teaching a child to sit or play quietly on a blanket during services has been a tradition in God’s Church for decades. This training not only stops noisy interruptions during services, it is also the foundational plank for building self-discipline in children.

Today, some in God’s Church do not blanket train, which makes the teaching of self-discipline more difficult as children mature.

Blanket training is really simple. You should start blanket training as early as when your child can sit up by himself, but definitely by the time he can crawl. (This assumes that you have already been teaching your child not to make noise during services.)
Notice the next part.  If your child does not stay on the blanket you must discipline your child. In other words, according to McFlurryism, beat the crap out of it till it can cry no more.  After two or three of these spanking sessions you child will learn to submit to your authority.

When your child attempts to move off the blanket or make noise—tell them no once. Move the child back onto the blanket, or give them a hand-signal (forefinger against the lips) to be quiet. When your child moves off the blanket or makes noise a second time—you must discipline them. Continue the process until your child accepts the fact that he must remain on the blanket and be quiet. This is self-control in action.
But what if the kids is just as bored with the dumbass sermon as the parent is?

Self-control is not even a part of this scenarios.  Being beat into submission is all that is being discussed here.  Being submissive is the only thing PCG members can do.

You must teach your children "Come Here!" Training.  Without this they will not be submissive to God,  i.e. me and Gerald.

Start teaching your child to come to you when he is walking securely on his own and you know that he understands you. If you have done blanket training—you’ll know that your child understands you.
My wife and I generally waited until our children were about 18 months before we began “come here” training. We set aside an evening to do this. We called them “Come Here Nights.” I’ll be honest—this is a tough one.

Once children are up and running on their own—they do not appreciate being interrupted from what they are doing. To command them to come to you requires them to give up what they want to do and do what you want them to do. Children want to be their own authority. To submit to your authority requires self-discipline.

This is another vital lesson that must be learned at an early age. Your children will find it difficult to submit to God’s authority if they do not learn to submit to yours. Their physical and spiritual safety depends on obedience to direct commands.
 When you beat your child make sure you train it well enough that it doesn't get mad at you.

Your child should be taught not to respond to correction with anger or a bad attitude. Both of these responses are wrong and require additional discipline and teaching. Correction is a fact of life and, for the people of God, a way of life! Children must learn to follow rules, directions and instructions that are not their preference. They must have self-control to accept correction and direction from you and other authority figures that are sure to come into their lives.
Continue to beat your child until it smiles back at you in a good attitude.

When you discipline your child, make sure he responds with a good attitude and right behavior. Make it your goal to not finish a correction session unless your child demonstrates a good attitude and right behavior. This requires love, patience, strong teaching and time—a lot of time—on your part. It will be worth all your effort. As Paul says, there will be great rewards when you meet this goal. Your child will be more happy and on the road to real success. Remember, positive response to correction will help your child forever.

Dennis concludes:

Parents—go for it!

That's right.  It's the Sabbath today, beat your child into submission so they can enjoy the Sabbath day as a foretaste of God's millennium where you will rule with rods of iron.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Dave Pack Warns: I Will Be Getting Serious Next Week!

After promising for weeks on end that he would deliver a startling announcement today about the future of the Churches of God, Dave spent the entire post hyperventilating and bloviating about how fantastic his church is and how important it is to impress the world..

Keep reading every Friday announcement! There will not be many more. I repeat: Next week, they will grow more serious.

Dave Pack: My Income is SOARING But the Upcoming Fall Announcement Will BOGGLE Your Mind!

Take that pansy Rod Meredith!  Take that you drunkard Gerald Flurry!  I AM THE MAN!  Look on me in awe and amazement.  There is no one else like me io the entire earth.  God is on MY side and NOT yours.  My church is the most superfantabulous Church of God to ever grace this earth.  Humanity stands in awe of me.  The world kneels at my feet.  I AM the DUDE!

Finally, brethren, God is showing His blessings as our income continues to SOAR, helping to expand preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God to a world in desperate need of this good news. Surely just the elements of this announcement demonstrate where God is at work to those who have ears to hear and eyes to see. After a strong year of financial growth in 2012, income for God’s Work has continued to increase. With June not yet over, the first half of 2013 is already 28.9% over the first half of 2012. The 2013 second quarter performance is conservatively now forecast to exceed the year’s first quarter by 22%! Announcements that this Church will make beginning in the fall will BOGGLE YOUR MIND!

Dave Pack Drags Dale Schurter Out of the Reeducation Camp to Introduce the Most IMPORTANT Agricultural Program On Earth

Meet Dave and Dale
 God's Two Most Important Men Ever To Walk This Earth

Dave has finally found a use for Dale Schurter.  After languishing for over a year in the reeducation camps of RCG, Dale has been given new life.  Dave likes to claim Dale is the worlds foremost authority on agriculture. No one is more intelligent or knows more than Dale when it comes to agriculture.

Since Dave has the worlds most superfantabulous church, why shouldn't he also have the worlds most superfantabulous agricultural program!

The nations of the world will soon be flocking to Wadsworth to stand in awe of Dave and Dale and a corn patch on the back acreage of the property.  Who wants to bet Davey will build a "Digester" on this property?  Herb had one in Big Sandy so Davey needs one in Wadsworth.

I am also pleased to introduce our coming agriculture program, which will be one of the most important food production programs anywhere on Earth. Many brethren remember the extensive and vibrant Agriculture Education, Research, Production, outreach and extension programs that were a division of Ambassador College and took place on two of its campuses (Big Sandy, Texas and Bricketwood, England). These cutting-edge biblically based programs were started in the WCG under Mr. Dale Schurter. This program has been reinstituted as the Agriculture Education and Research Institute (AERI) of Ambassador Center. It will soon be a model for all nations, demonstrating the crucial basics about quality food production that has been lost by great numbers today. We hope—and expect—to very soon announce the purchase of some nearby farmland.
I asked Mr. Schurter to include a brief description of the program’s mission, motto and objective, which will remain the same as in the past. Here is his summary:
  • “To restore true values in agriculture, health and man’s awesome potential, according to the laws and principles in God’s Word. To observe and obey all of God’s commandments and statutes as they relate to these three areas. To demonstrate and teach that His Way works and is always the best way!
  • “Restoring and sharing true values in these disciplines as a way of life that promotes and restores life.
  • “Our objective is to demonstrate and teach that God’s Way works—for the soil, plants, animals, every individual, family, group or nation.
  • “The self-help programs we develop and share are designed to teach those in need ‘how to fish’ in helping meet their needs, as well as giving them a fish or two for ‘seed.’ Experience shows this approach has synergism in providing motivation to be better people individually, and to share what they learn with others.
  • “Our procedure is to identify genuine needs, their cause, and establish appropriate tasks and programs designed to correct the causes and meet the needs, thus honoring our Creator through promoting and sharing the way of the kingdom of God by demonstration and education—offering others the way and opportunity to do the same, both physically and spiritually.